A joke

Okaaaay.....
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,' she says.They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?''No,' she replies. . .
Wait for it. .
It's coming. .
The suspense is killing you, isn't it?













































She says:
'You just happened to catch my eye.'

Ok so lets talk about my job

So I'm a social worker. Its my first job working as a boss. I'm running a program for adults coming out of prison. This is something that I have wanted to do since I was 19 years old.
So why am I so bored at work?

So basically what I do all day is answer phone calls and write pamphlets, go to meetings and answer questions from my staff.

I have lots of meetings and I have to run some of them. I'm pretty shy so that's hard.

I'm a social worker and I have been doing it since I was 21 years old- so 10 years. I have always been the case manager, therapist, care coordinator, or whatever.

I have worked in psychiatric hospitals, jails, drug treatment facilities, counseling centers, and places like this. I'm so used to dealing with clients, visiting them in their houses, calling them, dealing directly with their problems.

but this program is my baby- I made it all up in my head really.

we help these guys get jobs, housing, education and whatever else they need.

I have stats in my head that you probably don't want to know

like:

it costs 45,000 a year to keep someone locked up

about 4500 a year to give them services

65% of all released offenders re-offend and return to prison, most within the first 3 years

1 in 100 Americans are in prison right now

sadly- 1 in 9 Black men is in prison right now (wonder why I can't get a date!)

I hate prison- its a racist concept, especially when you think that the majority of inmates are poor young and Black.

It is very possible to buy yourself out of prison- its called getting a good lawyer (look a OJ)

Right now our prisons are so over crowded because of the messed up drug laws that most sex offenders get PROBATION. This means they don't even go to jail when they rape a kid- they just have to report weekly and have their picture put on a sex offender list like this one

http://criminaljustice.state.ny.us/nsor/index.htm

Oh you bet your azz I check out these sex offenders and if I see one near my daughter- mama bear will go on the attack.

Anyway my job is cool, some of the guys have jobs already- that we helped them get.

Job is the crucial link to help someone stay away from a criminal lifestyle. USA runs on the mean green and if you ain't working for a living- you better believe the money will come from something. Have you been in a grocery store lately?

So that's my job.

I'll tell you more about me later- the USA women's gymnastic team is about to come on.
Peace

Ok I had surgery

I had to have surgery. It was Leep surgery on my cervix and it was cool the first day. I was upset because I had to have a ride from the surgery and I had to tell my grandmother so she could give me a ride. I hate telling her things because then she goes and blabs to the whole family. SO of course she did. She told my father and my aunt.

You may be wondering- well why don't you want these people in your family to support you when you are having surgery?

Let me just say that my father is not a problem- I love him and I appreciate his support. He is a good Dad and I did not mind so much that she told him. I just wish I could have told him my own business- its a boundary issue.

Now my Aunt on the other had- she is a blabbermouth and I really don't want her in my business. I don't want her support and I don't really like her too much.

Why don't I like her? Well she is one of those ladies who thinks her shit don't stink- if you get what I mean. She is right about everything and YOU- oh You need to sit down- shut the f*&^ up and take notes.

She talks mad junk: here is an example----


I'm a single Mom and my child's father hates me and my child (or at least he does a good impression of that).



So when my baby K was born, I asked my grama and my dad to be in the room. My grama brings the Aunt. I did not want her there. (Why didn't I ask her to leave? Well- that's why I'm in therapy- OK)



So anyway she is there. I'm in labor pushing a human being out of my cooch. She says "Look at your feet! You need a pedicure! How come you have not been getting pedicures"



I was so shocked- first of all I had not seen my feet in months! Pedicures cost like 45 bucks (did you read the single mom part).



I used to do my own feet and they were cool- but when i lost sight of them, I kinda forgot about them.



Second- I'm in labor. LABOR!!!!!!!!! Who gives a fuck if my heels are dry! I mean come on.



THEN here is the part that drove me bonkers and made me really strongly dislike that lady.



So I push out baby K. They lay her on my chest. I look at her she looks at me- I fall in love but she's a bit bloody and grimy. I think yick but give her a kiss anyway.



So they clean her off, suck all the goop out of her nose and stuff wrap her up pretty and go to give her back to ME- the one who just spend hours pushing her out. So my Grama and the aunt grab her away- like thieves in the night.

I say- with an amazed look on my face I'm sure- Can I please have my daughter! They say- perfectly synchronized like those Olympic divers "NO".

WTF! The nurse had to take her away from them and give her to me.

So the point was- why don't you like your aunt. Why didn't you want her to know about your surgery? Well there you go- 2 perfect reasons why. There are more but hey- we have just met and all, can't be telling you all the good stuff right away!

Anyway- was I talking about my surgery- so it hurts. Look up a LEEP surgery if you don't know what it is. Its bad and painful and I had cramps. Then I started to feel better, the next day I got my period. SO yeah I'm not in the best mood.

I need a drink, but its only 3PM.


I need to sleep cause I was up all night watching the Olympics.

I think I will take a nap under my desk! (Yawn)

Help me be a better Mommy

I just want to say hello everyone.
I have never had a blog before and I have to warn you that im a terrible speller and always have been.
Today is Monday and I had an ok weekend.
My father and I took my daughter fishing in Phoenix- a lil town close to where I live.
So we caught some fish but K- my daughter was being hard headed and not listening like she always does and put herself in danger- she fell in the water 2 times.
Luckily we had picked a spot where the water by the shore is like 3 inches deep so she was just scared and wet.
I changed her clothes and told her to sit down. She kept jumping up and down and guess what? Fell in the water again.

I just get really frustrated with her because she never listens to me. Time out doesn't work, spankings don't work and yelling does not work. If i tell her to stop jumping around I want her to do it. I mean Im not a dictator or anything- but I tell her to do things for a reason- usually to keep her safe. When she doesn't listen it makes me fear for her safety and also worry about how she is going to do at school when she goes.

Ok so Im at work and supposed to be working so--I'll end this now.