My first 2 weeks as a mommy

Soooo
somebody wanted to know about my first few weeks as a mom...

Once upon a time, when I was 28 years old I had a daughter. I named her K after my ownself, since she is mine and all. She was born on the 28th just like me and she got a nasty attitude (haha- yeah I said it) JUST LIKE ME.

I remember the first time I met her lil self. Pushed her out and all that- they laid her on my chest all covered in some white cheesy stuff and kinda bloody too. She didnt cry, she just looked at me and I looked at her. I was like Oh SHIT! I was a little scared but mostly just felt this overwhelming sense of love and amazing like, fierce ummm protectiveness I guess. So that 3 days in the hospital was funny. You should have seen me breast feeding her.

If you know me then you know why Im laughing. But if you dont- then can I just say that I have some big boobs. I mean BIG. And when I was preggers they got HUGE. I mena huge like ladies sized basketballs under my shirt. So I knew I was finally gonna have a use for these big ole things I have been lugging since I was 11. Yup they made some milk for yo azzzzz. When they were full of milk they would swell up and get hard and tingly.

My boobs were almost the same size as the baby.LOL!!!! I remember the milk squirting her all in her face! Once it got going boy- it was like Niagara Falls... If you have never breast fed a child I will tell you that there is no better feeling than feeding your baby when your boob is full of milk aching to get out. Whewww you know that feeling when you pee after holding it a while? Its way better then that...

Anyway so my father drove us home from the hospital after the prerequisite struggle to figure out how to put the car seat in the car. Of course I bought her the one with the big ass arm across the front... (see above comment about fierce and protective).

So he left his car at my house and left us and my car at my house then LEFT me at home with the baby. (did I mention that I was the MOM- that still makes me wanna giggle).

Um yeah so I was like- so what now? I mean I already felt like a thief because the people let me leave the hospital with her. Cause um..... I didnt know SHIT about newborns. I was 28 years old! I mean I knew how to change a diaper and all that but all that other stuff!!! Mystery.
Luckily it was pretty easy. She cried when she wanted something. I figured out what it was. Sometimes I cried too. But we got it together pretty quickly. If she stunk I changed her diaper. If she put her head on my boob I fed her.

I used to be so paranoid. Especially when she was asleep. I would sit next to her bassinett (of course it was in my room- even though she had her own room she never slept in it until she was like 2 years old).

So I would sit next to her bassinett and get nervous about sids. (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Sometimes she would breathe so softly! I know this is bad but sometimes I would poke her until she made a sound so I knew she was alive. One time I put a mirror under her nose to see if it fogged up.

By the way- The Pediatrician was so sick of me! Everytime she sneezed I was on the phone to Dr. Jones. Like DR!!!!!!!!! Whats wrong with her!!! Is it the Plauge? Whooping Cough? TB??? OMG when they gave her her shots, they had to trick me and take me out of the room..... LAWDAMERCY!!

Wanna laugh real hard?? Picture me the first time I gave her a bath. Of course with a special baby bath seat sitting in the kitchen sink which I scrubbed with comet, bleach and then rinsed 100 times before I put her in it. (oh and I measured the water temp WITH A THERMOMETER)

I bathed her in like 1 centimeter of water because I heard u should not wet the belly button stump thing (which I still have somewhere).

Did I also mention that she was born in July and when I finally took her outside she had on like 4 sweaters, a hat, socks, gloves etc etc. Poor thing...

Now she is 4 and I'm not saying I could care less.... but I measure the temp of her bathwater with my big toe. The chick is grown (Lord how did she survive that first week with my poking her and smothering her with my boobs) and she often rolls her eyes at me and says "MOMMY- I am NOT a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love her man, thats my girl!